Condo Board Quarterly

Surely you are curious about the Condominium Life Style.   That freewheeling world where everyone owns their slice of heaven, but the halls are community property.  And the most important body in any "Condo", as the hippest people call it?  The Board because it has a fiduciary responsibility to make sure that everything is running smooth and that no problem is overlooked, from 15M's sliding glass door to 3V's insatiable need for a new key to the laundry facility.  Of course, keeping up meeting attendance is vital because no one should feel left out.

New England Journal of Family Expectations

Each month, the NEJoFE would help the stiff-spined families of New England through the mazes of behavior suitable to keep all in line, and castigation a high art form.

The whole house of house of cards was exposed as a charade by Charlotte Vale of Boston who, after years of being cowed by her domineering mother refused to do the old woman's bidding, in a polite but firm fashion.  Of course, her mother suffered a terrible episode resulting in one of her threats actually coming true upon herself.  Oh, too bad Mrs. Vale wasn't around for that irony.  Nevertheless,  the myth was shattered and with it soon went the NEJoFE as its readership crumbled like crackers under the fist of self-assertion.

Skid Row Mom

She was a 9 o'clock woman working the streets in an 11 o'clock town looking like she slept in her skirt and not much else, which showed the marks made by the fire escape iron platform on her back.  She could turn a trick, or pull a quarter from behind her ear.  But Kip, her son, was going to be better than his Mom ever had it and she would kill to keep him out of the hands of any cheap woman that remind her of herself. Kip was going make something of himself, like be a busboy at the Rainbow Room or some sort of classy place like that.  Or so she thought, until Carmelita Rosanna Inihosea showed up. One of them was going to jail for killing the other, and Madge had her heart on set on a Sing Sing vacation.

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING JOAN BENNETT AND GUY MADISON!

Note that "RUBY DIAMOND" is the imprint of Periodically Anachronistic.  Look for it at finer drug stores everywhere.

Journal of Mid West Art, September, 1968

Braddock's masterwork was found so shocking that it was instantaneously collectible.

Hypochondriac's Home Companion, March, 1945

Where does one vacation when you only have 48 hours to live?

Yes, this existed.  It was photographed in Great Britain, where lounge wallpaper is its most dreadful.

Modern Step Mother, September 1961

M'lady's Pre-Moistioned Towelette

"In a Capitol City, locked in a hot and streamy summer, rocked by the dishonest leadership of a tyrannical President, two people from two different worlds collide.  After facing each other down in a Sub Committee on Rotary Funds, in a Conference room with failing air conditioning, Grant Manning and Isolde Devereaux were on opposite sides of the argument over the amortization of debt by closely held assets controled by Amalgamated International Incorporated.  Released from their captivity by the sub committee chair, smashing down his gavel on the plith, they both found themselves spent by the elevators.  Isolde's decolletage, glistening with dewy woman musk as her chest heaved in the cooling air.  Her eyes were ashamed at home they soaked up the image of Grant's shirt, clinging to his perfectly sculpted chest.  He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out an unopened towelette from the Chinese carryout, riped it open in his manly hands and offered it to her.  "Would m'lady care for a refreshing towelette?"   "Yes," she replied, "yes, I would."

A Jocko Romance: When Did I Become That Kind of Girl

Exchange student from Denmark, Gertruda Ruudenspat was looking forward to spending her senior year in an all-American town like Entway, Illinois.  But did she find herself the talk of the town for all the wrong reasons even if they were true?  Gertruda found herself yearning for something real, something bird watching with her host father could provide.  It all changed when she felt the forbidden electricity of illicit avocational love begin to smolder.  Once the woodpecker was out of its tree, could she forget the unspeakable joy of spotting her first titmouse?  Only under the knowing and sensitive pen of Clevette Thrush could such a story be told.

Claudine Longet Mystery, No. 14, 1970

Not a magazine, but a book series that helped to shoot Claudine Longet to the top of the teen girl mystery phase.  Each book - about four per year - showcased the French singer as she toured towns around the world, and the intrigue that enveloped her.  "I never go looking for trouble, trouble seeks me, calls my name and demands my attention."  The series, penned by the equally mysterious Wilhelmina Andrews, who never gave live interviews, was a good seller until Longet's decision to leave the life of fame and take up skiing and a more quiet lifestyle.

Modern Step Mother, August 1958

Known for its frank discussions on the sacrifices of sending ones beloved step children to the best boarding schools, and being a rock for ones husband in not flying them home for the holidays ("Charlton, now what kind of holiday will they have if they have to spend 13 hours on a jet each way?  And think of the good you'll be undoing by throwing them into an English speaking holiday - they'll lose all their proficiency in French!"), each issue of Modern Step Mother was filled with handy tips for keeping the hubby happy and his ex wife at bay.

Windsuiting, February 2003

Windsuiting was, and still is, the monthly magazine for women who have embraced the windsuit lifestyle.  Their legion's grow, because at some point all middle class Mom's whose only goal was to take care of the husband and the kids want to give up the drudgery of looking their best for the allure of wash and wear weatherproof nylon suits matched with turtlenecks.  Who could possibly resist?

New England Journal of Haughtiness, May 1909

Month in, month out, this staid journal never was one to cross any line in the sand that it had drawn for others.  In May, 1909, the Editorial Board launched an ill-fated war on contractions, feeling that they were at the root of society's ills.

Frigid Magazine

Yes, after four years, we are back, having just unearthed this 1950 copy of Frigid magazine.

Frigid was the magazine for women who had their man and their security, but felt that they had done their job by enduring sex with their husbands.  Better yet, had they borne their husband a child, then they were to worshiped, not degraded by having sex in the missionary position.  

In 1959, the magazine published the expose "If my husband would only take a mistress" which discussed how his dalliances could help his wife feel clean and morally superior.

In 1969, the magazine published "My husband is a Homosexual, and I couldn't be happier".   The author stated "I no longer have to fear intercourse with him because he isn't the least bit interested.  Of course he wants me to look beautiful, and lavishes attention upon my needs, but I no longer have to handle his genitals - other men do that for me.  And that is a fair trade - who needs sex when you can have companionship!"

TVDigest, February 1956

ABC Spared no expense in it's promotion of the All Star Salute to L.B. Mayer.  Katherine Hepburn danced while reciting "The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck - His Feet Were Filled with Blisters". Hedy Lamar and Marlon Brando performed physical comedy.  Farley Granger and Helen Traubell performed dramatic readings from Tolstoy. 

And Judy did what Judy did best - she was Judy for five unforgettable numbers. Her version of "You Made Me Want to You" brought tears to L.B.'s eyes.

The only bump in the night was Vera Hruba Ralston who crashed the party and to be removed from the stage by Old Blue Eye's himself.

When Nielson totaled it up, the program delivered a whopping 40 share with viewers, and was only surpassed by the Candle Pin Bowling Championships in Natick, Massachusetts.

HomeWreckers November 1949

FOURTEEN "the Magazine that is for-teens" was a product of the puberty paranoia that erupta during the post world war era/  Aimed at the girls who weren't really kids, but then again weren't mature teens, Fourteen found its voice in speaking to angst felt by every girl who is going through that magical and yet scary time that we call puberty.

The publisher felt that they provided an open outlet to speak to the issues of these "tweens", be it the curse of perpetually being surrounded by people who didn't "get them" or the humiliation of treally, really loving a boy and him being to stupid to realize it, Fourteen felt it was there for them.  

Dowager Quarterly, April 1962

Dowager Quarterly was the creation of the house of Lethal  Muscato Publications, and has enjoyed a steady, yet elite circulation since 1809.  Published Quarterly - a monthly publication would simply raise the eye brows of those who have nothing better to do than gossip - the journal promoted good breeding, proper behaviors and heralded a call aginst those types of social progress that furthered the agenda of the uncouth.  Each issue contained consistent features and topics (its "Seating Charts" section was among its most popular recurring features from 1861 to 1969) that reaffirmed to its readership that better living, indeed, could be had through dudgeon.

Knowing, October 1950

Knowing was the magazine for women who needed to know, but weren't sure where to turn to.  Each monthly issue contained stories of women, much like themselves, who had lived life, learned the hard way, and hopefully felt that their stories would somehow help others.

TEACH, May, 1945

While seldom found at the newsstand, a stray copy of TEACH would occasionally make it to the Principals waiting room where it would be seen by the parent of the playground bully who was waiting for their weekly talk with school administration about their child's need to make others eat worms.

Most would leave the magazine on the table, still some would leaf through the pages looking for coupons.  What brought the periodical to its knees was when one of the errant parents would snag a copy and read it only to discover that their child had been nominated to the "Today's Bullies, Tomorrow's Professional Wrestler" feature.

The last issue of TEACH was published in 1956 after the word "teach" was inducted into the popular lexicon as slang for a "hot one" in the classroom..